


I wanna hold your hand

by flyler, ForeignLander



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, figure skating AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-05 13:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17326289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyler/pseuds/flyler, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeignLander/pseuds/ForeignLander
Summary: “‘You and Maggie are going to dance at LCorp’s charity gala next month.’‘Dance? As in-‘ She can’t finish the thought. Surely he’s joking.‘Ice dance. Together.’”or the singles skaters turned ice dance partners AU nobody asked for





	I wanna hold your hand

**Author's Note:**

> I owe this entire fic to Ell (EastOfEll), without whom it wouldn’t have even been an idea let alone the monstrosity that it is. Thank you for making all of these amazing edits and tweets and bringing something to this story that I never could’ve done myself. Thank you for tolerating seeing my ice dance blogging and then using my weakness to convince me to ruin my own life by writing this. Thank you for reading the draft that I thought was almost complete and then brainstorming what turned out to be another 7K words with me. You’re welcome for leaving the first three words as “the thick strap.”

The thick strap digs into her shoulder and down her arm as Alex drops her bag and closes her eyes. Her lungs fill with the air of the rink and she lets the cold rush center her as it crawls through her body. It’s something her dad taught her when she was younger and it’s still the way she likes to start every training day, the reason she heads for the ice before she goes to the locker room. She allows herself two more breaths before she shoulders her bag and heads for the lockers.

Ten minutes later she’s double checking her guards when there’s a knock at the door and Jonn’s muffled voice calling for her to meet him in his office. Pushing up off the bench, she squats a few times, settles into her boots. Checking her watch to make sure she won’t be late for her ice time, Alex pushes through the door only to be met with the telltale _thunk_ of it colliding with another body. There’s an apology on the tip of her tongue as she steps around to see who she hit, but it gets caught in her throat when she sees Maggie on the other side.

“Well that’s one way to take out the competition, Danvers.” The crinkles at the corners of Maggie’s eyes and the single dimple that pops on her lopsided smile let Alex know she’s joking, but they also have the unfortunate consequence of halting all of Alex’s brain function. So instead of finishing her apology or asking if Maggie’s okay, Alex just sort of grunts at her and takes off towards Jonn’s office.

Wonderful.

She’s still busy replaying the incident and adding it to her mental List of Embarrassing Things She’ll Never Recover From when she arrives at Jonn’s office, barges in, and perches herself on the edge of the couch without a word.

“Please, come in,” Jonn teases, but Alex is already so on edge from her run in with Maggie - god, those dimples - that it only serves to send another wave of heat rushing to her cheeks.

“Sorry,” she says, not quite meeting his eyes. “You wanted to see me?”

“I wanted to discuss High Performance Camp press with you.”

Dread sinks like a lead weight in her stomach because she knows what he’s talking about and she has no interest in revisiting it. She’s not very active on her own social media, though she has them, but Kara had sent her a few of the headlines and tweets.

_Danvers and Sawyer, on the outs?_

_DE-Oh No: Is there bad blood between the school’s star pupils?_

_@sk8inglife: alex doesn’t hate maggie you guys are just mean_

_@alexsdanvers: I don’t blame alex I can’t think straight when maggie looks like that either_

_@damnvers:_  
_interviewer: how do you feel competing against Maggie Sawyer?_  
_alex, eyes literally glazed over staring at maggie: uh..what?  
_ _y’all stupid asses who can’t recognize a good old fashioned gay panic: Alex Danvers Pretentiously States She Doesn’t Know Who Maggie Sawyer Is!!!!_

The sound bites weren’t pretty either, but to be fair, Maggie was right next to her in the press line and she was charming the pants off of everyone and she looked so good and Alex got a little...distracted. It’s not her fault that the little material she gave got stitched together the way it did.

“What about it?” She knows playing dumb with Jonn won’t work, but there’s nothing else she can do at this point.

“They think you hate each other,” Jonn says, and the fact that he doesn't even have to say who the other person is should be a red flag. “Actually, they think _you_ hate _her_.”

Alex doesn’t have anything to say to that, but Jonn waits her out, his knowing gaze making her feel like her every thought is on display for him already.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Jonn. I’ve never been good at press and when they ask me-”

She cuts herself off, not knowing how to finish that line of thought anywhere outside her own head.

“I’m sorry,” she sighs, resigned.

Jonn considers her for a moment and she digs her fingernails into the backs of her hands where they’re clasped in her lap, tries her best not to squirm. He sighs and leans back in his chair, and the harsh lines of his face softening allow Alex to relax infinitesimally.

“Look, if it were just your own career on the line here, I’d let you play it like you want. But Maggie’s career and the reputation of this rink are at stake. You’re going into an Olympic cycle. You need every bit of positive press you can get.”

“The olympics are three years out. And my skating speaks for itself,” Alex argues, and even she can hear the petulance in her voice.

“You and I both know that’s not how this sport works.” John’s eyes dare her to argue, but she can’t. He’s right.

Resigning herself to the fact that whatever comes next will very likely not be fun for her, she asks, “So what now?”

The chair creaks as Jonn sits forward and slides a paper towards her across the desk. She leans in to look at it, but doesn’t pick it up.

“You and Maggie are going to dance at LCorp’s charity gala next month.”

“Dance? As in-” She can’t finish the thought. Surely he’s joking.

“Ice dance. Together.”

Her heart feels like it’s trying to escape her chest.

“Jonn. _No_.”

“Yes. You have the training. We can teach Maggie the lifts, get her up to speed in no time.” His tone leaves no room for argument, but Alex isn’t sure he understands how very much she absolutely cannot do this.

“Jonn, I can’t. It’s-” Her voice dies when she meets his eyes. She doesn’t like the way he’s looking at her. Like he knows things he shouldn’t know. Like he knows her.

“Look, Alex,” He interjects, and his voice is so understanding she could cry. “I’m not doing this to punish you. Your dad taught you everything he knew. Physically, you have the skills to pull this off.”

He pauses to asses her and in his silence she hears everything he isn’t saying as well.

“If we do this right,” he continues, “people will notice. Show them there’s no bad blood, get some good press, train hard, and you can make the podium. I know it.”

She wants that more than anything and he’s playing to her weakness. Asshole. But as much as she doesn’t want to admit it, she knows he’s right.

“We can’t take six weeks off from training our own programs. And what about when we offend the ISU’s delicate sensibilities with an all female team?” It's a last ditch effort and she knows it, but it’s the only thing she thinks might get him to reconsider.

“HPC is over. You can spare the time. And it’s a charity skate, positive representation, original material, the list goes on. You’ll have the fan support and if the ISU comments publicly, they’ll look like the bad guys.”

She sighs and just barely contains an eye roll. He’s right. Again.

“Plus Maggie already said yes.”

She’s surprised she doesn’t strain her neck with how quickly her head snaps up to see if he’s joking. There’s laughter in his eyes, but not about that, she thinks.

“She did?” She hates the hope in her voice. Hates hates hates it. She had thought at least Maggie would have the good sense to say no. It’s not like _she_ ’s the one whose ass needs saving.

“On the ice in 15. Don’t be late.”

And with that, he pushes up from the desk and strides out of the room, leaving Alex alone to wonder how the hell she’s going to survive the next six weeks.

* * *

Alex has already been warming up, making wide laps around the rink to try to calm her anxiety for ten minutes by the time she hears a second set of blades start to cut the recently flooded ice. She ignores Maggie’s presence until Jonn steps onto the ice and she knows her time is up. The slash of her blade is loud in the quiet rink as she comes to a stop, kicking up snow onto another pair of white skates.

“Danvers.”

Alex can’t bring herself to meet Maggie’s eyes so she ends up looking somewhere just above her head before turning her attention to her toepick as it digs a divot into the ice.

“Sawyer.”

If she’d had more time to prepare, more time to gather herself and her inconvenient crush on Maggie before they took the ice, she could’ve done a better job at pretending to be normal. But 15 minutes isn’t enough time to figure out how to exist in close proximity to Maggie so she ends up like this. She’s trying to figure out a way to start a not-awkward conversation with the other woman when Jonn saves her from herself.

“As you know,” their coach begins, voice booming in the cavernous space, “we have a program to prepare.”

Alex chances a glance at Maggie, but the other woman’s attention is focused solely on Jonn. Alex allows herself exactly two seconds to admire Maggie’s profile before tuning back in.

“Alex, with your height and experience in the discipline, you’re going to take the lead.”

She nods, expecting him to elaborate further, but any further explanation is cut off by Maggie’s interjection.

“Experience? You ice dance?” Alex turns and finally meets her eyes, pleased to find admiration mingling with the surprise she expected gleaming in Maggie's gaze.

“Not really,” she explains, and finds herself wanting to reassure Maggie. She’s got to trust Alex to be her partner. On the ice. Partner on the ice. “My dad was an ice dancer. Used to teach my sister and I.”

Maggie looks at Alex appraisingly, almost like she’s seeing her for the first time, and heat flushes through Alex’s body at the once-over. But Maggie just nods in understanding, doesn’t ask Alex to elaborate. Most people in the skating community have some general knowledge of Alex’s family legacy - it’s part of the reason Alex tries to stay away from social media, media in general, really - but if Maggie does, she doesn’t show it. Alex is oddly grateful for it.

“She’s more than capable of the program we’re doing, but we can make adjustments as needed,” Jonn assures Maggie.

Maggie doesn’t say anything, just nods again, but Alex can see hesitation written in the lines of her face. Alex knows she’s going to have to get Maggie to trust her enough to allow Alex to lift her, and the thought twists not altogether unpleasantly in Alex’s stomach.

“We’ll work the lifts on the floor later. Today we’re just going to run some patterns and steps and see what feels right,” Jonn says, and leaves no room for discussion. Alex wants to argue that nothing about this feels right, but she thinks even that might be a lie. Something about it feels too right and that might be worse.

Jonn retreats to the boards, leaving Maggie and Alex standing side by side in the middle of an empty rink. To say it’s awkward would be an understatement.

“You know, Danvers, you’re going to have to look at me eventually.”

Alex pivots to Maggie so quickly she nearly loses her footing, which is something she hasn’t done since pre-juvenile. The tinge of hurt she can see behind Maggie’s smile pulls her out of her own discomfort and she’s talking before she’s even consciously decided what to say.

“I’m sorry. I know Jonn just sort of sprung this on us and it’s my fault we have to do this anyway and I hit you with a door this morning and I-”

Maggie’s laughter cuts her off, her smile brightening even as Alex’s explanation trails into silence.

“It’s fine. It works out for me too. I get to learn something new,” Maggie says, brushing off Alex’s apology. “Doesn’t hurt that my partner’s way better looking than any of the other girls’ partners.”

Alex stops breathing long enough for Maggie to take her hand and pull them face to face. The next breath she gets smells like cold and a little bit of sweat and Maggie’s perfume. Even though she knows Maggie’s just teasing, meeting her eyes is overwhelming. But she finds that once she’s done it, she can’t look away.

Without breaking the connection, Alex guides Maggie’s hands into the proper position and the press of Maggie’s fingertips sears Alex’s skin even through the layers of her clothing. She steels herself against the feeling - they have a job to do and at the end of this, Maggie is still her competition - and begins to lead them through a simple dance sequence.

Six weeks. She can do six weeks.

* * *

After Alex has a minor panic attack over the music Jonn chose (because “I Want to Hold Your Hand” covered by a woman is the gayest thing Alex has ever heard and she will definitely die skating to it with Maggie and then she will associate the song with Maggie for the rest of her miserable, gay afterlife), their first practice goes well as they work through the first few sequences. Jonn works out the choreography to play on the lyrics so that their hands are always sort of _just_ missing each other as the singer yearns for her partner to hold her hand. It’s beautiful and raw and a little too on the nose for Alex.

Maggie falls into the steps quickly in a way that seems too natural. Alex asks if she has dance experience, but the answer she gets, a wink and a _maybe I’m just that good, Danvers_ , makes her blush and regret asking.

There’s one part of the song where Alex and Maggie are meant to move in tandem with Alex holding Maggie close as they rotate backwards. This is awful for the following reasons: 1) Alex has to fit the entire length of her body against Maggie’s back and back _side_ , 2) one of Alex’s hands is meant to rest on the _inside of Maggie’s thigh_ while the other is pressed low on her stomach, and 3) Alex is a huge lesbian and equipped to handle exactly none of it.

Jonn is directing them through the steps verbally, circling them and giving pointers and direct instruction when necessary. But around the fourth time of Alex fumbling the placement and the steps on a simple turn, Maggie pushes into the ice and glides away sharply.

Alex can tell she’s mad from the set of her shoulders and she’s embarrassed at her incompetence, but also grateful for the reprieve from Maggie’s proximity.

Her lungs burn and she’s attempting to catch her breath which she finds odd giving that she really wasn’t exerting herself very much. Her fingers digging into her own hips help ground her as she frowns at the ice.

She doesn’t have long to beat herself up because the ice protests with a crunch as Maggie whirls around and stalks back into Alex’s space.

“How do you expect us to pull this off if you won’t touch me?” Maggie all but growls the question, the angry set of her face too close for Alex’s comfort.

Before Alex realizes what’s happening, Maggie reaches across her own body, grabs Alex’s left hand, and essentially wraps herself in Alex’s arms with a quick and easy turn.

Hopefully Maggie attributes the trembling of Alex’s hands to the chill in the rink as she places them on her own body. Alex’s right hand is sandwiched between the hard planes of Maggie’s abs and the warmth of her palm, her left against the inside of Maggie’s thigh (holy _fuck_ ) under the clutch of Maggie’s fingers around her own.

“I don’t bite.” Maggie’s voice isn’t as angry anymore, a little softer and a little less venomous.

Alex tries not to think about Maggie and biting. Fails.

Her nose itches when Maggie’s hair flicks against it, their heads slotting side by side as Maggie backs into her further, removing all space between them. Alex’s next breath smells like strawberries and she wonders if it’s Maggie’s shampoo.

She wants to tell Maggie _I know you don’t_ and _I’m sorry_ and _it’s not you_ , but she can’t find any words. She can only press down into her blade, tighten her hold on Maggie, and finally guide them in the right direction.

* * *

Over the next few days, things go as well as can be expected. They seem to have reached an understanding after Maggie’s frustration with Alex the other day. Alex reigns in her awkwardness, commits to the choreography (touching included, thank you very much), and tries not to read into any of Maggie’s comments. Things are good. It’s a charity skate, it doesn’t have to be perfect, and Alex is actually enjoying dancing with a partner again.

Until floor work.

Logically, Alex knew they’d have to do it. She’s not going to throw Maggie straight into a lift on ice with no training, Jonn wouldn’t allow that anyway. She just wasn’t prepared for the reality of Maggie’s entire body spinning around - and against - her own.  

For reasons Alex is all too happy to ignore, this is simultaneously the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to her.

It seems, though, that it’s just the worst thing that’s ever happened to Maggie.

They’ve laid out the program with Jonn, know pretty much what they’re doing and have decided on a spin and two rotational lifts. Alex thought the spin would be fine because they both do a lot of that in their own programs anyway, but Maggie seems less confident than usual.

As they’re attempting to get into position - Alex crouched on one leg with the other outstretched in front and Maggie in full splits balanced on Alex’s thigh - Maggie grunts in frustration and steps away and Alex inelegantly lowers herself to the ground by more or less just falling on her ass.

They’re supposed to start with both arms on each other - Alex with her arms around Maggie’s waist and Maggie with a hand at the back of Alex’s neck, the other on her upper arm - and then each extend one until they come back to each other at the end of the spin. Only every time they go to extend, Maggie freaks out a little and bails. Granted, they’ve only tried twice, but they're not getting anywhere.

“Sawyer,” Alex says, looking up at the other girl as she paces a few feet away, “I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

That seems to stop Maggie in her tracks and Alex gets a weak smile for her efforts.

“I know. I trust you. I just- I’m not used to relying on a partner, I guess.”

Very rarely does Alex get to see any true vulnerability from Maggie. Maggie is a terrible flirt and quick to a joke or just straight up badass determination when it comes to sport. This is new territory for Alex and even though Maggie says she trusts her, Alex knows it’s not fully true yet, but she’s going to be damn sure she does everything she can to make it so.

Standing from her spot on the floor, Alex crosses to Maggie and waits until she has her eyes before she speaks.

“For this spin, your hands here and here,” Alex says, taking Maggie’s hands in her own and placing them around her neck and on her bicep. “That way, you can control the leverage of your own body where it rests on mine.”

Maggie nods, flexing her fingers as if to memorize the placement. Alex settles her own hands against the muscles just beneath Maggie’s shoulder blades, pressing and trying to ignore just how close her face is to Maggie’s, how her neck tingles under Maggie’s touch.

“And I’ll keep mine here. Then halfway through the spin, we both extend our left arms.” She pauses, the arc of her arm curving out to mirror Maggie’s.

“Then pull back.” The choreo has her cradling the back of Maggie’s head at the end of the movement, and when she notices Maggie’s eyes on her, she doesn’t look away.

There’s a split second where Alex could swear Maggie’s eyes flicker to her lips, but just as soon as it’s there it’s gone, and their arms fall back to their sides.

“From the top?” Alex doesn’t want to break this moment - Maggie’s looking right at her and Alex is realizing she likes it, maybe even craves it - but she knows they have it now and she wants to see Maggie’s face the first time she gets it.

“Okay.” Maggie’s voice is different and she’s not smiling and Alex isn’t sure why, but she’s not going to push.

Getting into position, Maggie extends her leg and Alex pulls it into her hip, mimicking their eventual movement on the ice but without the full spin. Hands on Maggie’s waist, Alex crouches into position and feels Maggie’s hands settle into place. She searches for Maggie’s eyes, but she’s not looking at Alex.

“Eyes,” Alex murmurs quietly, a keyword like her dad taught her all those years ago. She uses certain ones for self-talk sometimes, but hasn’t used on with anyone else in so long. Before she can worry that Maggie won’t like it, or will be offended at Alex’s direction, deep brown eyes lock onto hers, Maggie’s calf settles along her thigh, left leg extended out behind her, and for the first time, they’ve got it.

After a few seconds, Alex can see the tightness around Maggie’s eyes start to creep back in.

“I’ve got you,” she says lowly, not breaking their connection and pressing the pads of her fingers into Maggie’s lats to emphasize her point.

They hit their extension at exactly the same time, and Alex almost wishes they were recording this practice because she’s sure their lines are right on. Pulling her arm back down, Alex cups her palm at the base of Maggie’s skull just as she would during the program, but without her permission, her thumb strokes the soft skin behind Maggie’s ear once then settles there. She’s ready to apologize, but something flashes in Maggie’s eyes that keeps her quiet and makes her want to do it again.

Instead, she guides them out of the pose, making sure Maggie lands safely on her feet before straightening fully. Her eyes are still locked on Maggie’s and she gets the pleasure of seeing Maggie’s grin light up her entire face. Alex feels herself react to Maggie’s joy and she’s sure she’s smiling like a complete dork, but Maggie’s laugh and breathless exclamation of _we did it_ are so worth it.

The soft warmth of Maggie’s hands at her forearms is just a bonus.

* * *

They take their spin and some other choreo back to the ice the next day. Maggie was eager to get the spin on the ice right after their floor practice, but Jonn insisted they sit with it for a while, let their bodies take time to settle into the new material.

Alex meets Maggie at center ice the next morning, the dimpled smile that’s quickly becoming one of her very favorite things the first sight to greet her.

“Danvers. Morning.” Maggie’s voice is rough and her eyes are sleepy with the early morning hour. It’s fucking adorable and it makes Alex want to scoop Maggie into her arms. Thankfully her brain is functioning enough to remind her that’s not a good idea.

“Hi, Maggie.” Alex can’t keep the smile off her face.

It’s been that way ever since they started working together. Alex knows some people would say they’re crazy to take time off from their individual training in the lead up to the Olympics, but try as she might, she can’t find it within her to think of this time with Maggie as a waste.

She feels settled into this new normal, doesn’t get as flustered anymore in Maggie’s presence, but she still feels a bit awkward in this quiet time before their day starts. During practice, they touch and talk, but it’s all to do with the program. Now, while they wait for Jonn, Alex isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do.

“So what do you think they’re going to say when they see the two of us skate at the gala?” Maggie asks, taking Alex by surprise.

“What do I think who’s going to say?” Alex returns.

“Those vultures from HPC.”

Alex snorts and rolls her eyes. Maggie’s not wrong in her description.

“Probably nothing worse than they’ve already said about me,” Alex huffs. “I’m sorry about that, by the way.”

Maggie doesn’t say anything, but the tilt of her head and the furrow of her brow are an unasked question.

“The stuff I said. Or didn’t say,” Alex corrects, preparing herself for what she wants to say next and trying not to make an utter fool of herself in the process. “I think you’re amazing.”

Maggie’s eyes go wide and Alex chokes a little, clears her throat before she can continue.

“At skating. You’re an amazing skater and I never meant to imply otherwise.”

Alex can’t look at Maggie, chooses to watch her toepick dig at the ice for a few stifling moments until Jonn blessedly breaks the moment.

“Okay you two. From the top. With the spin,” he calls from the boards.

Once they’re in their starting positions, facing each other several feet apart, Alex goes to meet Maggie’s eyes only to find Maggie already looking at her.

“It’s okay, Danvers. I think you’re pretty amazing, too.”

* * *

Over the next several weeks, floor practice continues to go well through their lifts. They work in program order, so the last lift they have left to do is the final rotational lift.

It’s complex. Alex has to lift Maggie, then settle her over her shoulders while rotating across the ice. On the exit from the left, Maggie settles with her legs at Alex’s hips, and they raise their clasped hands above their heads.

Alex has been dreading this.

Not because she thinks she can’t do it, but because she’s not sure she’ll survive Maggie basically straddling her and holding her hand.

They’re working on the entrance to the lift in which Maggie sort of has to twist and propel herself up into Alex’s arms. Maggie has been more trusting - Alex can see it in her eyes as they prepare - and Alex has stopped being such a gay disaster and doesn’t freak out as much every time she has to take Maggie in her arms. Okay, maybe she hasn’t stopped entirely, but she’s certainly gotten better.

The transition into the second part, where Alex has to shift Maggie behind her head to rest on her shoulders, is the most difficult thing they’ve attempted so far, but they work through it until the sequence flows seamlessly.

On their second run through of the transition, Alex misses a hand placement and pain, sharp and swift blooms across her cheek. She closes her eyes against the sting of tears and continues with the lift, but Maggie must have felt the jolt of her shoe colliding with Alex’s face because she’s ordering Alex to put her down.

Alex does as she’s told, making sure Maggie is safely on her feet. Her vision is muddled and she blinks away the involuntary tears and works her jaw to stretch out the ache.

Warmth settles on the side of her face, along the apple of her cheek and at her jaw. The soft wipe of Maggie’s fingers across her skin makes Alex’s pulse flutter.

It reaches a full gallop when the other side of her face gets the same treatment and she realizes that Maggie Sawyer is essentially cradling Alex’s face in her palms. She may have had this dream before.

Blinking away the wetness in her eyes, Alex forces the dull throb to the back of her mind as Maggie’s face comes into focus.

“Alex, are you okay?”

She can’t breathe with the way Maggie’s looking at her. All furrowed brow and worried eyes. She wants to reassure her that she’s fine, it happens, and it’s not the worst she’s ever had.

“I’m fine.” She stutters bit over her response when Maggie tilts Alex’s head to get a better look at the injury. “You got me good, Sawyer.”

She’s smiling when Maggie carefully turns her to face forward again, hoping to make light of the situation because really, it’s not that bad. But Maggie’s face is set in a grimace, apparently dissatisfied with Alex’s answer since her thumb keeps stroking the spot where her shoe scraped Alex’s face and her eyes keep probing Alex’s eyes like she’s trying to catch her in a lie.

If Maggie doesn’t stop touching her, doesn’t stop looking at her like that, she’s going to feel the moment that the heat creeping up Alex’s neck reaches her face and that absolutely cannot happen. So Alex gives Maggie what she hopes is a reassuring smile and steps out of the clutch of her hands.

Maggie’s face falls even more if that’s possible and Alex doesn’t want her feeling bad about such a small thing, so she gets right back to business.

“Okay, again?” She asks, setting her stance in preparation for the lift.

“We should get you some ice so that doesn’t bruise,” Maggie argues, but Alex is having none of it. Reaching down to adjust her leggings, she raises an eyebrow at Maggie, braces her hands at her knees and tries again.

“Maggie, I’m _fine_. I promise.”

Maggie holds her eyes for several long beats, but Alex knows she finds no trace of the lie she’s looking for. Maggie nods once, sharply, and steps forward.

They go again.

* * *

A few hours later - after a break for lunch during which Maggie forces an ice pack into Alex’s hand and tells her in no uncertain terms to _ice that pretty face of yours_ which… wow - they’re back to finish the third and final component of the lift. The one Alex has been dreading since Jonn talked them through it at their first practice.

There’s really no other way to accurately practice this component without entering it from the previous position, so they go through the entrance of the lift and then pause when Maggie is perched, right hand grasping her right skate as Alex rotates counterclockwise.

Jonn talks them through the transition and with only minor fumbling, Maggie ends up with her right leg hooked around Alex’s waist, left leg bent at the knee and parallel to Alex’s right thigh.

“Okay, now hands,” Jonn instructs.

Maggie has an arm draped across Alex’s shoulders to support herself, and Alex takes her left hand, the one not supporting Maggie’s waist, and raises it to thread her fingers through Maggie’s as their arms extend above their heads.

They’re no longer rotating, which is the plan for when they’re on the ice, and Alex is thankful because she’s already a bit dizzy from the feeling of Maggie’s warm palm pressed against her own. The fact that Maggie’s face is so damn close doesn’t help either.

Once Alex feels settled into the movement, feels like she understands the mechanics enough to recreate it over and over, she looks for Maggie’s eyes and finds them already locked on her. They’re close enough that Alex can’t entirely focus - their noses are almost touching - and she can’t seem to settle on which of Maggie’s eyes to look at.

A sharp clap slices the air and Maggie startles in Alex’s hold.

“Excellent,” Jonn exclaims, seemingly unaware of the tension he just broke. Alex is both thankful and disappointed as she helps Maggie to her feet.

“Whole lift, one more time, then we’ll take it to the ice.”

Maggie heaves a deep breath at Jonn’s directive, and Alex can see the tension creep between her shoulder blades where she faces away from Alex. She can identify the exact moment Maggie steels herself - she shakes out her neck and presses her shoulders back and down - before turning to face Alex. The worry is well-hidden behind Maggie’s eyes, but Alex still sees it.

“Hey,” she says, grabbing Maggie’s attention. “I got you the whole time. Okay?”

The worry doesn’t clear completely, but the tightness at the corners of Maggie’s eyes dissipates enough that Alex feels her chest swell with the knowledge that Maggie trusts her. She gets a small smile with just the slightest peek at a dimple.

“Okay.”

* * *

Their program is finished. They took the final lift to the ice today and did a very rough but complete run through. With Jonn’s stamp of approval and only three weeks to go, all it really needs is tweaking and polishing.

Still, as Alex is unlacing her skates in the locker room, she can’t help but think about what this program means for them. For her and Maggie.

It’s for charity and a worthy cause, for sure, but the whole point of this was to rebuild the reputation of her relationship - her _professional_ relationship, she reminds herself - with Maggie. And she’s doubting how exactly this is going to do that.

“Something on your mind, Danvers?”

Maggie glances over her shoulder from where she’s untying her own skates, eyes so focused and shining with a touch of concern. It makes Alex’s stomach flip in ways she doesn’t want to deal with.

“Just thinking about how much the ISU is going to hate this,” Alex says. “Two women ice dancing together doesn’t exactly meet their standards.”

“Fuck the ISU.”

An ugly bark of laughter bursts out of Alex before she can stop it. She doesn’t disagree, but she’s never heard anyone state it quite so boldly.

“Yeah, you’re right,” she mutters, turning her attention back to her skates.

She finishes with her skates, arranging them in her bag and slipping on her sneakers. She stands, hefting her bag over her shoulder and turning to wait for Maggie. They’ve gotten into the habit of walking out together after practice. Alex isn’t really sure why. But she likes it so she doesn’t question it.

Maggie stops at the doors of the rink and turns abruptly, making Alex pull up short behind her.

“You drink coffee, Danvers?”

It’s the last thing Alex expected her to say and it takes her brain a moment to catch up.

“Um,” she states inanely. “Yes?”

Maggie quirks an eyebrow and even though Alex knows the laughter in Maggie’s eyes is at her own expense, Alex is once again endeared.

“Was that a question?”

“Yes. No. I mean, yes. Yes, I drink coffee.” Jesus _fucking_ Christ.

“Good. I’m buying.” And with that, Maggie turns on her heel, walking off towards her car with Alex sputtering in her wake. She doesn’t stop when she senses that Alex isn’t following, but she turns over her shoulder and the flip of her hair is in perfect synchronicity with the flip of Alex’s stomach.

“You coming?”

Alex goes.

* * *

Coffee becomes a thing they do after practice. They both usually have the time and Alex finds the more time she spends with Maggie, the more time she _wants_ to spend with Maggie.

The thought scares her a little.

She learns about Maggie - how her family is out west and didn’t blink an eye at her moving so far away because _they’d rather I wasn’t around anyway_ \- and she finds herself sharing more with Maggie than she usually would. Tells her about Kara, her hockey-playing adoptive sister and her mom who was a skater herself and who she keeps her distance from for both their sakes.

It’s nice to have someone to talk to, someone who understands her work and the pressure and expectation, but it also does nothing to diminish Alex’s feelings for Maggie.

Growing up, when Alex was first exposed to the world of figure skating, it seemed like a dream. The costumes, the dance, the music. She remembers watching competitions with her dad and being mesmerized, wanting to be on the ice so badly. But once she hit the amateur world and the artistry she admired turned into cutthroat competition and grueling training and an endless list of dos and don’ts, the magic was lost.

She likes it, loves it even. It wouldn't be worth the trouble if she didn’t, but the first hint of that magic she was missing came back to her when she started dancing with Maggie.

Alex tends to keep her personal life private. She’s out, but she doesn’t make a big deal about it and she’s never really sure who knows and who doesn’t. She doesn’t have time to date, so it’s never really been something she’s thought about in relation to her skating until now.

She likes Maggie. Really likes her. But Maggie is her competition and her training partner and her friend, even, Alex thinks. She wants to win, wants to be on top of the podium at every major competition from now until the Olympics, but she wants that for Maggie too. It’s an odd feeling, being so fiercely competitive yet wanting your competition to succeed.

She cares about Maggie. But how is this friendship supposed to work once the charity skate is over?

The next day, when Maggie asks about coffee, Alex tells her she has an appointment. She heads for her car and doesn’t look back..

The coffee she drinks at home is bitter and she dumps most of it down the sink.

* * *

They’re halfway through a run, preparing for the spin. Alex curls her fingers around Maggie’s ankle, lifts it to her hip. As they start to rotate, Maggie whispers _eyes_ under her breath. Alex glances up, eyes meeting Maggie’s for a moment before settling above her left eyebrow instead. They make one more rotation before Maggie fumbles her hold and they just barely avoid crashing to the ice.

Maggie rounds on her, hands on her hips and fire in her eyes. Her hair is coming loose from it’s ponytail, a few strands clinging to her forehead and the sides of her face and Alex is pissed at herself for even noticing.

“Why aren’t you with me? Be with me!” Maggie’s voice breaks on _be_ and Alex feels her heart start to fissure with it even if it gallops as she imagines Maggie saying those words to her under different circumstances.

“I’m sorry. I’m distracted.” It’s an excuse and she doesn’t even buy it herself, but she tries to brush it off. “Go again?”

She doesn’t get an answer and when she forces her eyes back to Maggie, the other woman is just staring at her, disbelief in all the lines of her face.

“No, I don’t want to _go again_ ,” Maggie says mockingly, and Alex feels the hot crawl of shame at the back of her neck when she hangs her head.

“Okay, um,” Alex mumbles, embarrassed and knowing there’s no excuse. “Take five then?”

She doesn’t wait for a response, just takes off towards the boards, nearly tripping in her haste to get off the ice.

The lobby is empty and her breathing is loud in the silence as she collapses onto one of the benches. She has no time to collect herself though because as soon as she drops her head to her hands, the rink door opens, slamming into the wall behind with a sickening crash.

She knows exactly who it is, sees the toes of bright white skates step into her field of vision right between her own, but she doesn’t look up.

“Look, it’s too late for us to back out now. If you’re uncomfortable skating with me, you should’ve said no in the first place.”

Alex doesn’t know what to say to that so she doesn’t say anything. The silence and the anger radiating off of Maggie are stifling.

“Never took you for a homophobe, Danvers.”

Maggie spits the insult at her and it’s so absurd it forces Alex’s head out of the cradle of her hands to stare up at Maggie.

“What?!” Her voice is shrill even to her own ears. She thought Maggie knew.

“You’ve been avoiding me ever since I told you about my parents. Doesn’t take a genius to piece together.”

Alex can hear the disgust in Maggie’s voice, but more than that there’s hurt in her eyes and Alex hates herself for putting it there.

“I just thought-“ Maggie starts, but Alex can’t let this go on any longer.

“Maggie, I’m a lesbian.” The statement is jarring as it echoes in the empty lobby. Alex can count on one hand the times she’s said that out loud and it feels more significant now than ever.

Alex stares up at Maggie from her spot on the bench, and the journey Maggie’s expression takes is truly something. She’s silent for long, torturous moments and Alex is close to squirming when Maggie breathes out a soft _oh_ and her shoulders drop.

Alex stands slowly and breathes out a sigh of relief when Maggie doesn’t shrink away from her.

“That’s not why I’m uncomfortable skating with you.” She looks directly at Maggie when she says it. Even though she’s been an idiot, it’s important to her that Maggie knows Alex doesn’t, wouldn’t _ever_ think that about her. Anyone.

“Then why?”

Alex could laugh but she might cry so she does nothing, just stares at Maggie until she gets it and when it clicks, when Maggie’s eyes get big and her jaw unhinges, Alex’s stomach feels like it’s being torn to shreds. This is exactly what she hoped to avoid by forcing some distance between her and Maggie, but it’s just her luck to end up here anyway. It’s all so ridiculous she can’t help but laugh, but it comes out twisted and bitter.

“Look I’m sorry I made it awkward. This is why I don’t do-“ she gestures wildly around her as she searches for the right word. “...this.”

She keeps to herself. Works her ass off, keeps her head down, keeps her fucking mouth shut. Another look at Maggie finds the other woman staring at Alex with an expression she can’t read and Alex is so humiliated, she has to get out.

“I gotta go,” she murmurs, looking anywhere but at Maggie, and she bolts. In the locker room, she undoes her skates as fast as she can, throws them in her usually tidy gear bag, and tries to think of a way she can get to her car without running into Maggie. She manages to make it down the hall and out one of the side doors without passing anyone at all.

* * *

Sunday is her only day off from training for the week and Alex couldn’t be more grateful for the timing when she wakes up and realizes everything that happened yesterday was not, in fact, a dream.

Nightmare, more like.

Cool air creeps in as she lifts the covers over her head and she sinks deeper into the mattress. She can’t believe she was so stupid. She couldn’t let Maggie go on thinking she was uncomfortable with her as a person, she could never be and she would never put that on Maggie. But she also wishes she’d been quick enough to come up with some little white lie instead of-

Just...instead.

A hundred scenarios play out behind her eyelids when her anxiety fails to allow her to go back to sleep. It’s no use, there’s no possible positive outcome in this situation. Alex is so angry with herself that she practically jumps out of bed, storms to the coffee maker and handles it so violently it’s a wonder it doesn’t break.

The coffee scalds her tongue and burns the whole way down, but she drinks it fast. The ceramic clatters in the basin of the sink and Alex changes quickly, throws on clean underwear, pulls on the first leggings and tank she can find, and heads out the door.

The rink parking lot is empty when she arrives, the reflection of her headlights bright in the windows in the early morning darkness.

The lock rattles as she twists the spare key Jonn gave her for emergencies, and with a little more finagling, she gains entrance to the rink.

With no one else around, she doesn’t bother with the locker room. She drops her things by the bench behind the boards, laces her skates, and pushes onto the ice.

It feels odd to be out here alone again after so many weeks working nonstop with a partner. But she’s always liked the quiet that comes with an empty rink. Relishing the open space, she allows herself to move freely, unencumbered by other skaters or a training regimen as she glides in random arcs across the smooth surface.

It could be minutes or an hour that she’s there before she hears the loud bang of the inside doors slamming and curses herself for not locking the outside door behind her. She startles, stumbling on the backwards glide of her blade and chipping up a bit of the ice. She just manages to catch herself before she falls, turning to confront the hopefully nonviolent intruder who decided to wander into a closed rink.

Only the intruder is someone she knows. Still hopefully nonviolent, she thinks to herself, but definitely someone she’d rather not see.

Maggie doesn’t say anything, just stands there at the opening in the boards and watches as Alex slows to a crawl.

This is the most awkward possible encounter and it makes Alex want to melt into the ice. She’s close enough to see Maggie’s silhouette, but too far to read her face. The silence of the rink is deafening, not even the usual white noise of the HVAC to provide some cover from the pound of her heartbeat in her ears.

She panics fully when Maggie steps out onto the ice and heads straight for her. The closer she gets, the easier it is for Alex to see her face. She doesn’t look angry. She looks...actually, Alex isn’t sure she’s ever seen this look on Maggie’s face. It brings her up short.

Maggie glides to a stop in front of Alex and just looks at her. She’s close but not as close as they’ve recently become accustomed to and absolutely everything about this situation is unsettling. It seems like every time Alex opens her mouth she fucks something else up so she stays silent, prepares herself to take whatever Maggie is about to say to her.

Only the words never come. Instead, the toes of Maggie’s boots bump Alex’s as she moves in closer. The shockwaves from the collision travel up her legs and shock of a different kind explodes in her stomach when Maggie’s lips settle over hers.

Alex’s right blade slips out in front of her and she stumbles a bit, her right leg between both of Maggie’s. Her squeak of surprise is muffled against Maggie’s lips, but before she can fall, strong fingers curl at her triceps and she regains her balance.

Maggie’s lips are even softer than Alex dreamed they’d be and how the fuck is that even possible? Along with that discovery is the realization that holy _shit,_ she’s still kissing Maggie, and a second, stronger wave of shock has her breaking away sharply, disengaging from Maggie’s lips with a gasp.

“I’ve been wanting to do that,” Maggie says, and she’s smiling and isn’t she supposed to be mad?

The fingers at her triceps squeeze once and then trail down her arms, sending an involuntary shiver from the base of Alex’s skull to her tailbone. Maggie starts to thread her fingers through Alex’s, but Alex breaks away before she has the chance.

The sparkle in Maggie’s eyes dims and then completely extinguishes when Alex folds her arms across herself.

“Was that not okay?” Maggie asks, and her voice is so small, smaller than Alex has ever heard it.

Tears burn hot and heavy behind Alex’s eyes and she has to clench her teeth to keep them at bay. She can’t believe she has to do this.

“Maggie.” Alex can’t get past her name. It comes out wavering and weak. She clears her throat and has to swallow a few times, choke back the emotion threatening to overflow, before she can continue. “This isn’t a good idea.“

The deep furrow that evokes between Maggie’s brows, the way her eyes flicker back and forth between Alex’s seeking answers, makes Alex want to reach out and smooth away the confusion with the pad of her thumb. Instead she wraps her arms tighter around herself and braces for what comes next.

“I like you, Maggie. But how does this work two weeks from now? Two months? Two years? I want the Olympics.”

Hurt flashes in Maggie’s eyes and Alex knows she probably heard _more than you_. The truth is Alex isn’t sure if she does want the Olympics more than Maggie, but she’s worked too long to throw away her chance at gold for anyone.

“I know you want it too. You’re amazing, Maggie. You’re so good and you deserve to be able to go after what you want without me in the way.”

It’s heavy, and the air between them is thick with tension. Alex does her best to lighten it, and maybe spare them both the heartbreak, the only way she knows how.

“Other than as your competition, of course.”

Her weak attempt at a smile is reflected back to her in Maggie’s expression, but the other woman doesn’t say anything. Her lashes cast shadows on her cheeks as she studies her feet and Alex can’t help but notice how beautiful she is, even in the midst of possibly the worst interaction they’ve ever had. And there are an unfortunate number of contenders vying for the top spot.

Still, Maggie hasn’t said anything and Alex ducks her head, searches for Maggie’s eyes but finds herself unable to connect.

“We cool?” She asks. They still have a program to skate, still have to see each other every day. Alex still needs Maggie to trust her.

“Yeah, we’re cool,” Maggie croaks. Alex’s arms drop to her sides when Maggie turns sharply and strokes over to the boards.

“Maggie, wait,” she calls, but only receives a weak _I’ll see ya_ that Maggie tosses over her shoulder as she steps off the ice and pushes out through the doors.

* * *

Alex spends a lot of time over the next few weeks reflecting on their conversation. Their practices are tense and awkward, and Alex can tell Jonn isn’t pleased. The day before the gala finds them at the rink one last time. Technically their skating is good, but artistically it’s-

Lacking might be too nice a word.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” Jonn huffs, his frustration boiling over at the end of their run through. Alex can’t blame him. She does her best not to shrink under his calculating gaze as she senses Maggie bristling beside her. “But this is a performance. Whatever’s happening off the ice does not come here with you. And it certainly doesn’t take the ice with you tomorrow. Is that clear?”

Their twin _yes_ es are meek and Jonn keeps talking.

“Look at each other. _Connect_ ,” he implores. “Be present with and for each other.”

Alex turns to face Maggie, but Maggie’s focus is entirely on Jonn.

“And if all else fails,” he continues, “fake it til you make it.”

Even from the side Alex can see the eye roll Jonn’s directive receives from Maggie. Alex barely contains a snort herself. Faking it is so _not_ the issue here. She’s spent so long reigning in her feelings for Maggie that maybe she’s pulled it back too much.

“Go home.” Jonn’s disappointment stings like it always does, and Alex looks to Maggie once more, hoping to find some camaraderie in the mutual dressing down they just received. Instead, she’s met with the sight of Maggie’s ponytail swinging back and forth as she sets off to take a few cool down laps around the rink.

Tomorrow, then.

* * *

Alex has never, ever seen Maggie Sawyer nervous and she has no idea what to do with it. Yes, things have been stilted between them since that morning all those days ago, but this is more than just the cold aloofness she’s gotten used to from Maggie. Her shoulders are up around her ears and she keeps pacing, pausing every few steps to shake out her legs and arms.

She wonders if Maggie saw some of the same comments she did. The numbers in the little red circles next to her twitter and instagram apps kept ticking up since it was announced that Sawyer and Danvers would be performing together at the gala and Alex finally gave in to temptation last night. Well, Kara sort of barged through her door, shoved her phone in Alex’s face, and demanded to know what was going on.

It’s not like Kara didn’t know about the gala; it’s highly publicized every year and with two high profile athletes performing in such an unusual capacity, it’s made a bit of a splash within the community. It’s just that Alex may have forgotten to tell Kara about the coffee and the touching and the kissing.

Kara had pulled Alex down next to her on the couch, making herself right at home as usual, and showed Alex some of the more...colorful posts.

_@sanversrise: JONN JONES SAID GAY RIGHTS_

_@alexsdanvers: wbk_ , and then just two close up pictures of Alex and Maggie’s hands.

Kara had saved the best - maybe worst - for last, though. She scrolled through her saved posts on instagram and when she arrived at what she was looking for, Alex’s heart jumped into her throat.

There, in all its glory, was a picture of Alex and Maggie at their usual coffee shop.

It had to have been taken weeks ago, back when they were still going and still...friends, Alex guesses, is the right word. Her back was to the camera, but it was clearly her, and Maggie’s face was split with the most brilliant smile, so big and warm that her eyes were squinty, dimples clearly visible even with the subpar quality of the photo.

Alex may have searched for it after Kara left that night, found a few more photos from cafe and even one from the park, and (choosing not to feel violated or creeped out) taken a a few screenshots that no one ever needs to know about.

“Are you dating her?” Kara asked, not accusatory, but there was a hint of hurt in her voice at the thought of Alex keeping something from her.

Alex answered in the negative, distractedly, as she scrolled through the comments under the photo.

_@sawyerdanverss: they are dating and you can’t change my mind_

_@fsbutmakeitgay: do you think it’s cold, fucking in an ice rink?_

_@maggaysawyer: LOOK AT MAGGIE’S SMILE KILL MEEEE_

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She wished, at the time, that the circumstances were different. That all of it could be true.

The sound of a wailing child pulls Alex out of her head and it’s like a cold shower as reality crashes back down around her. The crowd is filing in after intermission and the noise of the chatter bleeds down the corridor where they wait to take the ice. Most of the other second act skaters are stretching further down the hall, so Alex and Maggie are more or less alone near the opening of the tunnel.

Maggie’s nervous energy is starting to get to Alex and before she knows what she’s doing, she finds herself reaching for Maggie’s hand.

“Hey,” she says softly, pulling Maggie around to face her.

Maggie looks up at her uncertainly - even in their skates, Alex is still several inches taller - and the tightness around her lips and eyes makes Alex want to wrap her in a hug.

Figuring there’s nothing left to lose, Alex does just that. Maggie tenses for a brief moment, Alex can feel the tightness of her muscles under her palms where they rest at Maggie’s deltoid and lower back.

Alex holds tight, waits Maggie out. Taking one deep breath, and then another, Alex silently rejoices when she feels Maggie’s breathing sync to her own.

As Maggie’s muscles relax, Alex feels as though her body molds to every contour of Maggie’s. For the first time in weeks she feels connected. Maggie hooks her chin over Alex’s shoulder and Alex feels the pads of all ten fingers Maggie presses into her shoulder blades.

The rough texture of Maggie’s overly-sprayed hair scratches Alex’s jaw when she nudges at Maggie’s temple, forming as much of a protective barrier around Maggie as she possibly can before finding stillness.

Even with the sounds of the arena filtering in, the only thing Alex hears, the only thing she feels, is the beat of Maggie’s heart in time with her own. She loses track of how long they stay there, wrapped up in each other, but it’s as if their bodies are linked somehow when with one more complete breath, they simultaneously step out of one another’s embrace.

Alex keeps her hands on Maggie’s arms, ignores the tingling itch in her palms as she rubs up and down from Maggie’s shoulder to elbow. It’s a grounding technique her mental prep coach taught her and she’s pleased to see the calm settle over Maggie even further.

“No matter what,” Alex begins softly, hands still trailing up and down Maggie’s arms, “we’re together. And no matter what, I-”

She nearly chokes. She was about to say _I love you_.

Shit. Fuck.

Maggie’s looking up at her with those big, soft brown eyes and Alex covers up the stumble as best she can.

“I’ve got you.” It’s been one of her key phrases since that first day working lifts together and Alex finds that no matter what has happened or will happen between them, she means it just as much now as she did then. More, if she’s honest.

Maggie just looks at her, eyes shining and deep. She nods and even though her _okay_ is a choked whisper and her smile is weak, Alex smiles right back.

* * *

Maggie won’t stop touching her. They’re the last skaters of the night. She’s not sure how Jonn pulled that off - it’s a coveted spot at any event, even a charity show - but ever since their hug earlier, it’s almost like Maggie is using Alex as a touchstone.

The hard plastic edge of the folding chair she’s sitting on digs into the backs of her legs, but she won’t move.

They’re little touches. Just the tap of her knuckles to the outside of Alex’s leg, the brush of their elbows between them.

Maggie leans forward, elbows to her knees, chin in the cradle of her left palm, right forearm resting across her thighs. She seems to be staring at the opposite wall, but Alex can’t keep her eyes off of Maggie.

Her breathing is measured; she seems calm, if still a little anxious. Alex has the strong urge to rub wide circles on her back and mentally tells herself to get a fucking grip.

A tap at her leg drags her attention away from Maggie, eyes shifting to the source of the contact. The fingers of Maggie’s right hand tap at Alex’s knee once, twice, before settling still against her.

Alex feels the touch of Maggie’s fingertips as if they burn four small holes through the fabric of her jumpsuit. The warmth spreads slowly through her whole body, and she no longer represses the urge to sweep a hand up Maggie’s back.

She rubs the wide circles she envisioned, tracing the edges of the open back of her dress and careful to avoid the clasp fastening at Maggie’s neck. On the second pass of her fingers over the ridge of Maggie’s spine, Maggie’s thumb hooks behind Alex’s knee and squeezes once. Doesn’t let go.

Alex’s hand stills and settles between Maggie’s shoulder blades when she hears the booming voice of the emcee over the loudspeaker and the previous skaters step back into the tunnel. They’re up.

Alex takes Maggie’s hand from her knee and pulls her to standing, walks the short distance to the mouth of the tunnel with Maggie’s fingers clutched in hers. It’s not a dance hold, and when Alex looks down, Maggie’s pointer finger is hooked around Alex’s pinky. It should be uncomfortable, but it just feels right.

The emcee is taking through their scripted bios and Alex knows they only have a few moments before they take the ice, but she pulls Maggie into a hug anyway. Bright lights flash behind her eyelids as she waits for Maggie’s heartbeat to match her own.

On her third exhale, the sound of the crowd washes over her like a wave and Alex pulls back to meet Maggie’s eyes.

“Showtime,” she says, feeling a smile pull at the corner of her mouth to match Maggie’s.

She offers her hand to Maggie who takes it - a proper dance hold this time - and together they step out onto the ice.

* * *

Galas are so different from competition and Alex is reminded of that fact when they take their starting positions and Maggie is draped in spotlight at center ice.

She’s always beautiful, but in this moment, when their eyes meet, Alex is struck by how gone she is for Maggie Sawyer.

Even after the music starts and they push towards each other, Alex doesn’t take her eyes off of Maggie unless she absolutely has to. Every time they touch during the program, she feels Maggie’s body like it’s an extension of her own. She’s never connected to a skate quite like this one. Hears nothing but the music. Sees nothing but Maggie.

During the spin, no keyword is necessary because Maggie’s eyes are right there, locked on hers. The look Maggie is giving her could bring her to her knees, but Alex reminds herself she’s just giving face for the performance, and brings them out of the spin and into the next sequence.

The cheer of the crowd sounds like Alex is hearing it from underwater.

She doesn’t even have to think about the rest of the program. After all the work they’ve put in and how connected she feels to this moment, Alex’s body knows what to do so she just lets herself feel.

During the final lift, as she’s shifting Maggie off of her shoulders, she feels Maggie tense mid-transition.

“I’m here.” She says it without thinking, uncaring if the cameras will see. There are no judges to deduct performance points anyway.

As Maggie settles, leg hooked at Alex’s waist and an arm around her shoulders, there’s a fluidity to their movement that they’ve been missing the last few weeks in practice. When Alex reaches for Maggie's hand, their fingers lock automatically. As they raise their hands, fingers intertwined, above their heads, Maggie holds Alex’s eyes and lets her forehead fall to rest against Alex’s.

This is the closest they’ve been since their kiss and it’s all Alex can do to keep moving when Maggie’s nose slots next to hers and she feels the quick puffs of Maggie’s breath against her own lips.

They make it to their ending position, hands linked by their sides, and Alex feels reentry to reality as if she fell from space and smacked into the earth’s surface.

The crowd claps and cheers all the way through their bows. Maggie’s hand is warm and a little sweaty in hers and Alex catches a glimpse of her radiant smile each time they turn to another corner of the arena. Alex’s face hurts with how big she’s smiling, but the adrenaline is overwhelming in the best way. Maggie is present with the crowd, ever the consummate performer and professional, but every time she drops to her knee and bows her head, Alex only sees her.

As they turn to exit the ice after their final bow, this time it’s Maggie who shifts their hands, slots her pointer finger behind Alex’s pinky.

Alex smiles the whole way off the ice.

* * *

They’re swept into the press line the moment they step off the ice. Alex reluctantly releases Maggie’s hand and they’re ushered forward by arena staff and into the fray.

Press after an event is always rough, especially since they skated last and Alex is still catching her breath. It’s even harder than usual, though, because Maggie is just ahead of her in the line.

The further she goes, the easier it gets to answer the questions because they all tend to ask the same things in different ways.

_How does it feel to skate for such a worthy cause?_

_What are your plans for 2022?_

_What’s it like skating with a partner?_

She prepared an answer about how it was nice to get back into ice dance after so long, how she enjoyed the challenge, how after the break in routine she hopes to return to her own practice stronger and reinvigorated.

She makes it through three interviews, her happiness genuine for once, clinging to her after such a successful skate.

On her fourth stop, Maggie is still finishing up so Alex stands to the side and waits patiently for her to wrap up her answer before it’s her turn. She’s not sure what the question was that Maggie is answering, but her heart taps out a hopeful, pathetic rhythm at Maggie’s response. 

“It was amazing getting to try out a new discipline,” she says to the reporter, and Alex can tell from her tone that she means it. “And working with Alex was a dream come true. Everyone knows she’s an unparalleled talent on the ice, but getting to work with her, learning from her, dancing with her…”

She trails off and Alex can see her eyes shift in her direction, not fully, but enough that the camera in front of Maggie will surely pick it up if Alex did. A dimple appears in her profile and Alex holds her breath.

“I’ll never forget it.” Maggie says this last part not to the interviewer or the camera, but over her shoulder looking directly at Alex.

Alex has no idea what her face does, but her chest is tight and she watches Maggie step down the line to the next person like she didn’t just leave Alex wrecked in her wake.

She snaps out of it at the sound of her name. The interviewer calls her over, already into her first question. Alex has to ask her to repeat it twice and she still fumbles through.

* * *

_@sanvers_endgame: THAT’S GAY PANIC RIGHT THERE FOLKS_

_@adanverss : if these two aren’t together i’m boycotting fs for real_

_@sk8inglife: sanvers ⅔ podium sweep Beijing 2022 i’m calling it rn_

_@alexsdanvers: is it too late to switch disciplines?? asking for these disaster lesbians_

_@maggaysawyer: isn’t it an ethics violation for them to compete against each other when they’re clearly in love?? @ISU explain_

__

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* * *

Jonn gives them both the day off after the gala, so Alex spends it cleaning her apartment and ignoring the notifications that keep popping up on her phone. She doesn’t hear from Maggie, not that she expects to, and so she files away everything that happened in the last six weeks into tidy little boxes at the back of her brain.

The next day, feeling refreshed and not at all disappointed to be returning to the ice alone, Alex spends some time with Jonn testing out new elements for her next program. A few other skaters are on the ice as well, and she tries not to be disappointed that Maggie is nowhere to be seen.

“She has the next time slot.”

Jonn’s voice interrupts her fifth (or maybe sixth or seventh, who knows) scan of the rink. 

“Huh?” Jonn cracks a barely there smile at her as she pretends not to know what he’s talking about.

“Maggie,” he clarifies, the lift of his brow making lines in his forehead.

Her silence could not be more awkward or obvious as she searches for the most casual response she can muster.

“Oh. That’s nice.” She screams internally. What the fuck is wrong with her.

John just stares at her the way only he can, and it takes everything in her not to squirm under his knowing gaze. 

After a few moments of loaded silence he says, “Nice work today.” It’s his way of dismissing her and she takes the out gratefully. But as she’s slipping her guards on and stepping off the ice, he calls out to her.

“See me in my office before you leave.”

She thinks back to the last time he asked to see her in his office.

Fuck.

* * *

"Hey, Danvers!”

The voice reaches her ears as she’s heading down the hall toward the locker room and pulls her up short. It makes sense that Maggie would be here early for her ice time, but she’s already anxious about what Jonn wants with her and she’s not sure she can handle her Maggie-related anxiety on top of it.

But they reached some sort of unspoken agreement at the gala, Alex thinks, so she puts on her best friendly smiled and turns around.

Maggie’s right in front of her and Alex flinches a bit. But Maggie’s smile is easy and bright and Alex feels her shoulders dropping at the sight of it.

“How’d your practice go?” Maggie asks, and her voice is so light and earnest it takes Alex by surprise. It hasn’t been like that since before they kissed and Alex fucked everything up.

“Uh, good. It was good.” Very smooth, Alex.

Her stomach flips when Maggie’s smile brightens.

“I’m glad.” Maggie’s eyes crinkle. Is she laughing at her?

Before Alex can formulate a response, Maggie reaches out and touches three fingers to Alex’s elbow.

“I gotta go, but I’ll see you around?”

Alex has no idea what to say to that, so she nods. Are they friends again? What’s going on?

Before she can try to figure it out, Maggie’s turned around and heading back the way she came, ponytail swinging behind her.

Alex is so, so fucked.

* * *

Alex changes out of her skates quickly and heads to Jonn’s office. She drops her bag by the door, but the sight of Maggie on the couch across from Jonn stops her in her tracks. 

Maggie seems just as surprised to see her, the both of them just sort of staring at each other until Jonn breaks the silence.

“Alex. Good. Have a seat.”

She does as she’s told, mindful of the space between her and Maggie on the small, lumpy old couch. A look passes between them, Maggie silently asking what’s going on and Alex shrugs her response. 

“I want to talk to you about something,” Jonn begins, pulling their focus and ending their silent conversation. “It’s nothing bad. Could be really good, actually, but it’s big.” 

“Okay,” Maggie drawls slowly, and when Alex looks at her, she’s focused intently on whatever Jonn is about to say. 

“People are talking about your skate this weekend.”

Alex nods. She knows; she read some of it in a moment of apparent late-night insanity. 

“Some have even contacted me to express interest in working with you. As a team.”

He lets it sink in, and when it does, Alex isn’t proud of the way her response comes out, harsh and sharp. 

“What?” 

“They’re saying it’s bottled magic. Has the potential to change the world of ice dance for the better. The list goes on.”

“But we’re singles skaters,” Alex argues, and she can feel Maggie’s eyes on her as she continues. “We’ve been training our whole lives for this and we’re supposed to what? Just throw it all away? Three years before the olympics?” 

Maggie still hasn’t said anything and Alex looks to her for support, but finds Maggie looking at the floor instead.

“I don’t think you’d be throwing anything away, but it’s not my decision,” Jonn says calmly. “If I may speak freely?”

Alex nods her assent. 

“They’re right. What you two did out there-” he pauses, clearly searching for the right words. “I don’t know what changed between practice and performance, but everything about it was exquisite.”

Alex’s neck warms slightly under the praise and when she glances to Maggie in her periphery, she sees a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. Jonn leans forward, arms folded on his desk and glances between them.

“Imagine what you could do in three years.”

Alex’s heart stumbles in her chest and then she can feel her pulse pounding in her ears. She felt it on the ice that night, the magic she was missing. She just didn’t realize other people had felt it to. 

This is more than she ever dared to hope for. As a little girl, skating with her parents, watching her mom and dad dance around the ice, she loved the story, the romance. But she could never picture herself with a partner. When she realized she was gay, a male partner was never something she could buy into and a same sex ice dance team was unheard of. It wasn’t done.

But she feels the possibility like electricity from her heart to her fingertips and she presses her palms together to smother it.

She can see it. She can see the way they would work together, the way they would move on the ice like she’s watching a slow-mo playback in the kiss and cry.

It’s all too much to take in at once, and she has absolutely no idea what Maggie might be thinking, but she knows she needs time. She wants this. Wants it with a ferocity she can’t explain but it’s huge. Life-changing. 

“Think about it,” is what Jonn says, like he didn’t just flip her world on its axis. Alex dips her chin in a brisk nod and rubs her palms against the fabric of her leggings as she stands.

Even as she turns to go, Maggie remains seated, staring blankly ahead at some invisible thing between her and Jonn’s desk. Alex gets no read on what she’s thinking, but she knows they’re well into Maggie’s ice time now, so she shoulders her bag and leaves without another word.

* * *

She’s at home later, finishing up a yoga session, leaning into the stretch of her hamstrings in downward dog when there’s a knock at her door.

She had texted Kara earlier asking her to call when she had a chance, but it’s just like Kara to show up at her door instead. 

Undoing the chain, Alex flips the deadbolt and swings the door open.

Only it’s not Kara on the other side.

“Hey,” Maggie greets, half smiling and Alex thinks she might be gaping like a fish. Probably is. The sweat dripping down her neck reminds her of her current state. Great. Well, this might as well happen.

In a gesture that proves she’s not totally useless, surprising even herself, she steps back and invites Maggie in.

She’s still dressed from the rink, and Alex wonders if she came straight here as Maggie removes her white knit mittens and wrings them in her hands.

Adorable.

It’s comes unbidden to Alex’s mind and she can’t even spare a thought for her messy living room - table pushed aside and pillows askew to make room for her yoga mat - because Maggie is in her space and all Alex wants is to _keep_ her.

“Do you want a glass of water?” Alex asks, remembering to be a good host and needing a drink herself.

“Sure. Thanks,” Maggie says with a small smile and follows Alex around the corner to the kitchen. 

Alex returns the pitcher to the fridge, sliding one glass across the counter to Maggie and raising the other to her lips.

“Will you dance with me?”

Alex sputters at the question, water dripping down her chin. 

“Right now?” She catches the droplets with the back of her hand, feeling the fool she’s sure she looks.

“No, I mean…” Maggie trails off, frustration in her voice and the curve of her frown.

“Ice dance. Will you be my partner?” It comes out in a rush of air and Alex has to sit her glass down for fear she might drop it. 

“You want to skate with me?” Alex asks, disbelieving, heart pounding. The idea that Maggie would give up her solo career just to skate with her is absurd.

Alex almost laughs at the look Maggie gives her. Her arms fling out to the sides, palms up, eyes wide, as if to say _duh, you idiot._

“Why?” Alex asks, unable to fathom why anyone would give up a sure shot at victory for her.

“Because I had more fun skating with you than I’ve ever had skating alone. Because we could do something that actually matters.”

She pauses, but Alex gets the feeling that she’s not finished, so she waits.

“Because I love you.”

How the world doesn’t fall at her feet Alex doesn’t know. Blood rushes in her ears and her face feels hot and she’s surprised the granite doesn’t crumble under the clutch of her fingers at the countertop.

“Maggie.” It’s a shuddered exhale as the last of Alex’s breath escapes her body.

Maggie’s eyes are shining now, desperate and imploring and it draws Alex into her orbit. Not that she ever really left in the first place. 

“Be with me. Be my partner. In skating. In-” Maggie pauses, voice returning in a whisper. “In all of it.”

Alex’s hands move to Maggie’s arms of their own volition, grounding her and reminding her of their moment in the tunnel two days ago. This time, though, Maggie’s own hands curl at Alex’s elbows and her eyes are so open, beautiful.

Trusting.

“Are you sure?” Maggie has to be sure. There’s so much at stake and Alex can’t bear the thought of Maggie regretting her. Wouldn’t survive it. 

“Yes,” Maggie breathes, fingers digging into Alex’s arm to the point of pain. “Yes, I’m sure. Please, I-”

Alex captures the rest of Maggie’s words with her lips, holds her close as she loses herself in the sensation. It’s different than their first kiss and Alex takes it slow, relishes it, moves her hands up to Maggie’s neck, thumbs stroking behind her ears as Maggie’s hands clutch at her waist. 

Maggie breaks away on a gasping breath and Alex chases her mouth, presses her lips to the bow of Maggie’s smile once more before nudging her nose against Maggie’s and bringing their foreheads together.

A peace Alex has never felt before settles over her from head to toe and she closes her eyes, basks in it for a moment before using the hands at Maggie’s neck to tilt her head and press a firm, lingering kiss to the dimpled cheek she loves so much.

Maggie’s fingers curl at her back and Alex pulls her into a hug. She wraps herself around Maggie and doesn’t let go until Maggie’s heartbeat matches her own.

* * *

Three years later, in a packed arena to thunderous applause, two pairs of white skates take the ice. 

_Première place, Canada. First Place, Canada. Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer._

__

__

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**Author's Note:**

> They’re Canadian because I said so.
> 
> As probably the sole member of the VirtueMoir x Sanvers crossover fandom, I have no explanation for this and absolutely nothing to say for myself. 
> 
> (Except that I realize literally none of this would happen right after HPC during a competitive cycle or probably at all. Pls don’t come at me thanks)
> 
> Their relationship and basically all of their interactions are based heavily on the embarrassing amount of vm content I have binged since February, and their program in this story is based heavily (entirely) on this: https://youtu.be/EfpoYGZHqBI 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


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